Getting high. Here’s a look at the details of what and why

I don’t drink alcohol at all, I don’t smoke cigarettes unless I’m doing coke, I do coke 1 to 3 times a year, I smoke weed all day every day, and I take Tramadol usually once or twice per week, maybe more if I’m feeling extra anxiety and weed or my hydroxyzine isn’t helping. So 95% of the time I’m smoking a moderate amount of weed and taking tram on the weekends.

Weed has a tendency to make you loose track of what you’re thinking about. It makes it hard to focus on a particular train of thought for too long, so you can imagine what that can do for obsessive/circular thinking, or when you’re dwelling on things in depression. Weed is very helpful with obsessive disorders and depression. It’s also sometimes helpful for mania, although for some people I can see how it could make it worse, if weed makes you anxious. For me, it calms me down.

So, since my problems are anxiety/panic, depression, mania, and obsessiveness… weed is like one stop shopping to ease all of those things.

Tramadol is a painkiller that can be very addictive if you take it on a regular basis. Its a synthetic opiate. Since it’s so similar to heroin, the withdraws and addiction can be powerful. This isn’t something to take on a regular basis, in my opinion. However, this stuff can take my most horrible panic attacks and quiet it entirely in under an hour. I mean, I was in such a crisis panic that I was suicidal, and I took enough to get high and I was fine in less than an hour. I know a few people who say the same. I’m going to mention here that tram makes me feel a bit manic. I wasn’t sure if I should put that in this paragraph or the downsides below lol.. as you may know, bipolar people sometimes cling to and enjoy mania.. and in small doses i do. so if I can induce mild mania, I will. I get more done that way!

The down side.

I’m a creative person, I love to make all kinds of arts and crafts and I love to write and make videos.. when I’m high all the time it’s very hard to do anything. I think it’s like that for a lot of people. Weed makes my motivation go from a 7/10 to a 2/10. I behave as if I’m depressed, as far as my lifestyle goes.. I don’t clean house enough or do much creative stuff. But it does make me more stable. It’s a bandage, not a solution. I know this.

And tramadol, the down sides are addiction, withdrawl, and inability to keep an erection a lot of the time, or it will make your dick feel numb and your orgasms  (male or female), if you have one, will be shorter and much less intense, leaving you feeling frustrated lol.. This is a drug to take once and a while.

The reason I haven’t talked about coke yet is that there is no ‘good’ reason to do it, other than pleasure.. I guess if you take meds that make you drowsy or if you’re depressed often it’s a nice change of pace. But I wouldn’t recommend it because it’s expensive and addictive and you have to deal with shitty people to get it. I just do it once and a while because I like it and thats my choice :)