I hate christmas

Too poor to spoil my loved ones.. apartment is too small to host and my family doesn’t get together so here comes yet another holiday where I feel out of place and sad with a family that I don’t dislike, but feel very awkward around. 

I hate being around people who just talk crap behind each others backs. I don’t need to know about the failing marriage, you do not need to remind everyone over and over about the person who was abused, you don’t need to YELL every conversation, you don’t have to sit and think of things to say to me.. I’m fine with a ‘hello how are you’ and whatever comes natural.. 

 I miss my family get togethers. No pressure to catch up with every person, no fake enthusiasm. It was nice to just be. Just be.

Every holiday get together feels like i’m going to church when I go to my boyfriends families house. Every one is nice to me, but all I see is fake enthusiasm, eye rolling behind eachothers backs, tension and LOOOUD conversations.

Whats up with people who can’t just hang out and relax? everyone brings a dish, put on some music and chill.. it’s not hard guys!

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