…Have to start somewhere.

FunctionHere’s my first blog post. I’m going to use this post like a journal entry regarding mental illness. I’ve needed to reevaluate my life, decide what path I’m going to take, accept my condition, and find some faith in myself. These things could be challenging to anyone, not just someone with my diagnosis. Bipolar 1, purely obsessive OCD, anxiety, depression, frequent suicidal thoughts and a tendency to get lost in fantasy to a point where I can be mildly delusional, though it seems like I only become psychotic and delusional when I’m not medicated. my meds are helping with that. But the downside is that I find it hard to clearly recall or describe those psychotic/delusional thoughts/feelings for my Dr. and therapist while I’m medicated. It all feels like recalling a bad dream. my meds are not working good enough for my anxiety. therapy has reveled that my life is entirely run by my anxieties, worries, what-if’s, apprehension, and wasting much of my time lost in obsessive thought. I can account for a fear of failure, but other people feel that, so why does it stop me from trying to achieve the things that are within reach? Maybe because when I fail or get let down I take it too hard. I seem to take everything too hard. Everything seems to be harder for me than for other people. I shouldn’t feel that way.

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